Friday Letter #12 - Alone Time

 Dear Liza,

If I had one day to spend all by myself, I'd actually start it the night before. I would stay up late, knowing that I could sleep in the next morning letting my eyes open when they choose instead of at the sound of my alarm. I'd like to have a multigrain bagel from Panera, toasted with cream cheese, please, and a mocha in one of their big white mugs, but without the whipped cream. Perhaps I'd write for awhile, or check in on some of my favorite blogs, and I'd have a good book nearby too. Alone with no schedule... I'd need some choices, you know? After breakfast, I'd like to walk on the beach (my imagination is so generous to allow me Panera and an ocean here in the desert). It's the place I feel the most at peace, my heart joining the ocean in its steady rhythm. There'd be a chair waiting at the end of my walk. I'd soak up some sun and read right through the afternoon. Windblown and sleepy, I'd love a nap, the kind where you sleep and sleep until you wake up for no other reason except that you're all done napping.

As nice as this imaginary alone day is shaping up to be and as much as I crave unscheduled moments in my day,  I know I'd miss all the stuff that fills our days together too. I'd miss playing outside, books before nap time, sharing yogurt covered raisins for a snack, building lego towers, splashing in the bathtub, and your head on my shoulder before bed.

Wishing us both a year filled with just the right amount of alone time and togetherness!

Love, Mama 

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #165.

Friday Letter #11 - Gratitude List

Dear Liza,

Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I wonder what you are feeling grateful for this year. I keep imagining you writing out your list of blessings. Would belly buttons be at the top? You certainly are enamored with yours and check on its whereabouts many times a day. Chips would definitely find their way to your list. You can hardly contain your excitement for those crunchy treats. It's obvious by your hugs and kisses that sock monkey, duck, and your beloved Ent (elephant) deserve a spot as well. Crayons and paper, cheddar bunnies, the familiar faces of your family, stones, swings, and your beloved outdoors. The list is long and your gratefulness is contagious.

Happy Thanksgiving, sweet girl!

Love, Mama

This post inspired by FridayLetter.com's question #158.

Friday Letter #10 - The Evolution of Your Hugs

Dear Liza,

One of my most favorite things about being your mama is your hugs. Your little arm found its way around my neck just before your first birthday. In the dark next to your crib, I whispered a song against your cheek. You reached around and patted my back. It was my first hug from you, and I will never forget it. A few months ago, you started showing your enthusiasm for your things by squeezing them in a bear hug, squinching up your nose, and making this sweet growling noise. Daddy used to ask you for a hug and a kiss before bed each night, until recently when you surprised both of us and asked him first. You've also begun spontaneously hugging our legs when we're busy doing something up at our level and our arms are out of your reach.

Bitsy, the most amazing thing about watching you grow is how you make sense of the world without any formal teaching. Nobody taught you how to hug. We just kept hugging you. You must have thought it was an important life skill because you've figured it out.

Lucky us!

Love and Hugs,

Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #157.

Friday Letter #9 - The Late Love Edition

Dear Liza,

Just like cars need gas to go and our bodies need food to learn, play & grow, our hearts need love to live. This letter was supposed to be about how I value others, essentially how I show them they are loved. I've written and rewritten it multiple times trying to explain this, but I just can't come up with anything that feels quite right. Instead I've decided it might make more sense to show you how I've felt valued recently.

Love is...walking into the kitchen after putting you down for a nap and finding the remnants of lunch for 5 had completely disappeared, the table cleared, dishes washed & take-out boxes carried out to the trash.

Love is...a sister and brother-in-law driving four hours to spend the weekend laughing, eating, shopping, hiking, lounging, and playing with us.

Love is...a letter, a phone call, or even a quick text just so I know they're thinking of me.

Love is...making a late afternoon ice cream run because it'll make the evening that much sweeter.

Love is...watching you learn how to give love, patting your sock monkey's back and telling him "it's okay", spontaneously sharing your hugs and kisses with us, and hearing you utter the new phrase "yuv you, Dada".

We yuv you too, sweet girl!

Mama

This post inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #156.

Friday Letter #8 - Family Recipes

Dear Liza,

I'm really looking forward to spending time with you in the kitchen. I've even got my eye on a sweet wooden step stool so you can reach the countertops. I wonder what recipe will be become our favorite to create together and which ones you'll carry with you when you're all grown up. 

I don't have a signature dish yet, but other women in our family certainly do. Mimi makes a buttery vanilla pound cake that fills the house with deliciousness each Christmas. Her dark chocolate sauce is perfect for drizzling across the top, but I prefer it by itself warm out of the oven. When Grandpa was deployed overseas during the holidays, Nana used to send him loaves of her cherry nut bread. He says it isn't Christmas until that bread appears in the kitchen. (Maybe Nana would be willing to start making it a little early this year so you can have your first taste on Thanksgiving!) Grammy's egg casserole is my favorite recipe of hers. She always spent Christmas Eve in the kitchen making a double batch for our Christmas morning brunch. Gigi used to make this dark chocolate sheet cake with thick fudge icing studded with pecans. It's been years since I've had any, but I can still taste it. I remember scraping every last bit off her blue and brown flowered plates. Perhaps she'll dig up the recipe for us, so we can make it too. Aunt Erin shared her turkey tacos with us soon after Uncle Brian asked her to marry him. They are a day-after-Thanksgiving tradition in her family, but Daddy and I love them so much, we make them with chicken any time of year. Aunt Gibi suffers from a chronic lack of storage and counter space that sadly impedes her creativity in the kitchen. I've heard recently that she's been experimenting with Boston Cream Pie, though. Sounds like there's a possibility she'll add to the family recipe collection yet!

Love, Mama

Inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #155   

Friday Letter #7 - What Takes My Breath Away

Dear Liza,

I know I've written a lot about the beauty of the ordinary, but I want to tell you about another kind of life moment...the kind that takes your breath away. When I'm so filled with awe by an experience, my heart feels like it might burst. Many times tears follow these heart swells. They're not sad ones, but instead, the way my body is responding to and releasing this awesome emotion it simply cannot contain. When I read a passage that so perfectly expresses something I have experienced, I'm left breathless. After months and months of waiting, hoping, and praying for Daddy's safe return, when finally I can wrap my arms around him again, homecomings are another moment that take my breath away. Watching you discover, begin to make sense of this world, and communicate with us, well, it just doesn't get much more heart-bursting than that.

Bitsy, you're already experiencing these moments in your own way. Yours usually manifest in utter JOY written all over your face, a quick deep intake of breath, and lots of pointing. Ants, the sky, big trucks, a wide open space to walk around in, the faces of your people appearing on the Skype screen, your belly button...life really is a breathtaking experience, isn't it?

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #154. 

Friday Letter #6 - Through Your Eyes

Dear Liza,

They say eyes are a window to the soul, that sacred part of a person, the place where our true selves reside. Perhaps that's why eyes are my favorite feature, the one I notice first upon meeting someone new.

Bitsy, your eyes are big, expressive, and a beautiful mix of blue and green. You notice everything and take the time to really see...the clouds, the faces of those you love & those you've just met, trains & trucks & airplanes, the tiniest bug, feathers, the moon in the daytime sky. Mama's eyes have grown lazy after 33 years. I miss so much of the beauty surrounding me because I expect it, and consequently have grown numb to it. And yet, you unwrap these gifts for me day after day. You see the colors more colorfully. The details are so clearly focused in your sight. Your eyes drink in the wonder of this world in big gulps. Thank you for sharing what you see with me, encouraging me to wake up to the awesomeness of the ordinary.

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #153. 

Friday Letter #5 - Events & Landmarks

Dear Liza,

When I was a little girl, there were three events that I looked forward to each year. Every July we had front row seats to the fire department's fireworks display. Our neighborhood was just across the street from the field where they set them off. We'd lay in the back of the station wagon and peer through the windows at the colors raining down. If we were brave enough to take the booms full strength, there were blankets laid out under the sky. Fall meant the Arts & Crafts Festival. I could smell the hay bales and hear the bluegrass long before we passed through the entrance gates. Inside were tents as far as I could see full of handmade items. My favorites were the wooden flutes, the rubber stamps, and the marble guy. Oh, and there was funnel cake doused in powdered sugar! At Christmas time Aunt Gibi and I got to go with Grandaddy to his bank's holiday decorating party. It felt strange to be there after it was closed for the day, but so much fun to help decorate the gigantic tree in the lobby. We got to stay up way past our bedtime, eat yummy treats, and open a special present picked out just for us.

Bitsy, you aren't quite old enough yet to look forward to annual events, but you sure have an affinity for a few local landmarks. Going to the park is your thing right now, especially since we have finally dipped into the low 90's. We've spent this week exploring five different parks. You've worked on your climbing skills, visited the animal fountain, and discovered this amazing thing called sand. Watching the wonder with which you meet the world is pure JOY for me.

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #152. 

Friday Letter #4 - Needs

Dear Liza,

I believe we are always given what we need, even if in the present moment we are unaware of those gifts. Often it's not until we've moved farther along our paths, and can stop to look back, that we realize the myriad of ways our needs were being met.

Bitsy, human beings get confused about what we think we need and what our needs truly are. We tend to lose focus (at least I do), and our vision becomes clouded by the tough parts of life. Lately I've been learning the power of conscious gratitude to refocus my heart, mind, and attitude. In trying to make thankfulness a daily habit, I'm stopping those overwhelming feelings of "if only" in their tracks, choosing instead to be grateful for how abundantly my needs are being met. 

It's the simple things, really...

the smell of your hair after a bath

a cloudy day in the desert

you & Daddy building with Legos

freshly baked bread

your laughter at the wind

Remembering to notice reminds me that, yes, I'm being given just exactly what I need.

I am so grateful.

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com's question #151.

Friday Letter #3 - Grandparents

Dear Liza,

While thinking about this letter today, I've had so much fun poking around in my memories of my grandparents' houses. Here are just a few of my most favorite at Grandpa & Gramma's:

eating carrot sticks with Catalina out of blue china bowls,

red floor pillows and Saturday night t.v.,

riding bikes up and down the driveway with cousins and neighbors,

hauling my collection of Dr. Seuss books to the butler's pantry and creating my very own lending library,

and at Pete & Ditty's:

chocolate ice cream in milk,

spinning and bouncing off the table in the black vinyl kitchen chairs,

the big porch swing,

hammering, sanding, and painting in the shed,

watching "The Sound of Music" over and over again (Aunt Gini and I can recite a good portion of it still today).

Bitsy, You're a lucky girl to have two sets of grandparents that love you like crazy. There's something special about the time you'll spend at their houses having fun and creating unique memories. Daddy and I are already enJOYing watching you build relationships with Grandpa & Nana and Grandaddy & Mimi.

And, it's only going to get better with time!

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com.

Friday Letter #2 - Friendship

Dear Liza,

There are many types of friends, and they will each serve a different purpose in your life. There will be some that are just plain fun to hang out with. Others will share the same passions as you which provides an instant conversation and activity to do together. Then there are those that will be important for one stage of your life, but like travelers on a journey will just be passing through, moving on as you both grow and change.

Besides your daddy, who I consider to be my closest friend, there are two friends of mine who I consider very real, better than good and if I liked this word (which I don't because it feels so exclusive) my best friends. Why? They both happened to go through life-changing experiences with me. There's nothing more that shows just who your friends are than to experience something big together. These two girls know me well. They've seen me at my worst, picked me up, and helped me get it back together. They've cheered with me at my best moments too. I know that no matter what, they are both always there, willing to listen, offer advice, laugh, and experience life's JOY with me.

Bitsy, I have no idea who your friends will be, where or when they'll appear in your life, what role they will play in your journey, whether there will be many or just a select few. I'm looking forward to discovering them with you. Sometimes you will choose to seek your friends out before your family, or even instead of your family, and that's okay. My wish for you is that you'll find friends who will stand by you, encourage you to be your best self, and love you unconditionally like my friends have done for me.

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com.

Friday Letter #1 - A Big Move

Dear Liza,

Marrying your daddy meant a lifetime of moves, and back then we thought it would be just the two of us moving, maybe with a dog. We thought we didn't want any babies, just each other. After a few moves...down south, out west, back east...we started to think that maybe we did want a baby. And so, we made you.

It's definitely been a big move for me--the biggest of my life. As a woman, you always hear that becoming a mother is a "life-changing" experience. But I wonder if any of us really knew what life-changing actually meant until we found ourselves in the thick of it. It hasn't been painless. Growing is like that. It's hard to break out of our old ways and leave our old selves behind. Having been at this for 19 months, though, I know that the growing pains I'm experiencing as a mama are changing me into a more beautiful being. I'm learning selflessness & authenticity, generosity & JOYfulness, creativity & compassion.

So thank you, Bitsy, for changing my life and loving me unconditionally in the process.

Love, Mama

This post was inspired by FridayLetters.com.